I am just numb with it. I mean I had no problem doing it, it was like I became someone else. I crept out the back, and because of the hill in front of our house, and the valley in the back, I got right up on him with the sawed off shotgun. I hid my son in the valley, and circled up the hill. My heart was pumping, and everything was clear. I mean my vision, my hearing, it was surreal. I became a hunter in one swift series of moments, a swift series of moments that dragged on forever. I pulled that trigger as calmly as a psychopath, almost with joy that I GOT him.
On TV, they never remember to take the weapon off the dead guy, but I sure as fuck did. Thats when it got bad, man. He was just a kid, and his whole back was blown out.
My husband went out this morning to try and get my son some Tylenol or Motrin. You can't even go to the neighbors to knock and ask, people are so paranoid, they shoot first and ask questions later. He was going to try & break in a store. I'm really scared for him, he is so brave to try. So I was stuck doing this alone.
Its only been a few weeks, but you know, you don't stock up on that shit when you take it for granted the stores will always be there. Poor kid is so sick, I can't even think about it.
I had to drag this other kid away myself, thank God it was raining and sleeting if any of them saw the blood trail or body we would have been fucked. The septic tank. I heard a long time ago it would dissolve every trace in a short time. Thats when the shaking, crying and puking started.
I'm really weak too, I don't know if its from the Lake water or the deer meat or what. We have all been puking a lot and really lost weight. I joke about finally having a really hot body, for a corpse.
Before I pushed him in, I did the impossibly stupid and rolled him over and looked into his face, but good. Who, how and why had somebody trained this kid to shoot into peoples houses for kicks? I wanted to spit on him & cry for him at the same time. I didn't spit.
I let one of my neighbors move in so we can protect her. She had a lot of canned goods. I hate to say it, but it crossed my mind about enough food for my son when she asked, and her bringing more food helped. But I probably wouldn't have been able to say no anyway, but it horrified me that it even crossed my mind.
How quickly we become animals, eh?
These guys are everywhere now. I remember thinking we were too out in the boons to be bothered. Think again.
One of my neighbors was making nice with the Blackwater goons, and my other neighbor burned their house down. The guy was always a cop-calling whiny weasel anyway, but his wife was nice. I don't think either one got out. No firemen showed, thats for fucking sure.
Whoever had access to those air raid things, that was doing announcements must have got waxed. They stopped, so all we get is the daily Bush show, still an hour around noon.
Bush says the Middle East has been contained, and that order is coming soon. I wonder what contained means. He made some remark about The New American Century being upon us. I'm thinking PNAC and America East, hell maybe he wants America worldwide. I'm really guessing he used Neutron Bombs, because he assured us that Oil Production has not been compromised.
Then he started talking about Chevez, Venezuala and that Mexicans and South Americans are part of a Latin American conspiracy to bring freedom & democracy to its knees.
I thought, what the fuck, he wants their stuff too?
Anyway, I feel pretty safe writing on this thing, it has security and supposedly is untrackable by gps. You should see this kid's porn collection. Jesus, I guess all he did was whack off & kill. Thank god he hadn't signed off his last website, or I wouldn't have had a password.
I'll use it today & slip it back in the truck if I can. They'll never know I had it I hope. Queen of delete and all.
I don't even know what message I am trying to send any more. Its pretty much every man for himself right now. The wreaks and the wrecks. There is NO safe place unless you swear utter allegiance to the Bush Machine.
And I have become a killer.
Thank God, my son is all sweaty but feels cooler now. I need to get some liquids down him. I kept him alive though. It was that guy or us.
I remember a month or so ago, thinking how big and old he looked. Now I look at his sick and frail 8 year old body, and think he looks like a baby.
How am I going to save him & what world am I saving him to face?
I wonder if I'm going to have to go all Johnny Depp someday, and have the last pistol with two shots in it.... and I bleed for those of you who won't even have that option.
Another Freedom Fighter.
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