(Perhaps too fluffy for the fp, but it is Sunday & all, and the moral to the story is a nice one. Demote at will if anyone thinks it too unsubstantial. I won't take offense. - promoted by Diane W)
All of this story is true. There is never any sense in a "some of this is true" story for me, when I write from the personal. In other words, not a parable, though it ends up that way. I am what I am.
I left the house Wednesday evening, to go to Linda's to get the turkey out of her fridge. Single women with 2 refrigerators and an extra freezer are good friends to have, LOL. It had just gotten dark, and rather than walk up my hill, across the street, and down her steeper yet hill trying to carry a 20lb turkey and celery back up, I drove around the block.
I had barely sat down at her kitchen table when my nextel went off. We both immediately rolled our eyes, wondering what crisis could have occurred so quickly with the kidlet or the MIL that my husband couldn't handle it in less than 2 minutes. (You would have to understand the drama level there lately) "Mommy fixer" I call myself, "Enabler" is how Linda less kindly refers to me.
I answered brightly anyway, "Whats up?" Color me stunned; they were actually laughing. I guess my 1 year old shepherd, Dakota, had discovered his reflection in the doorwall. Our dogs have always been laid back, so we are going to have to watch this ones natural proclivity for protection. I guess he was charging the door, barking and growling, then as he got close to the "other" snarling dog in the glass, he would tuck his tail and jump backwards against the couch. Over & over, hackles up. Using the nextel on 2-way leaves an open mic, so I could hear all that, and it went on for a good 5 minutes, all three of them laughing their asses off.
This is even funnier, because any dog that comes over to "play" gets the total friendly treatment from mine. They generally adore other dogs. The middle dog had come to check out what was going on, just kind of looked at Dakota and sighed. He sighed! LOL, and walked away.
Finally, Mike opened the doorwall and Dakota charged outside, then did the "HUH?" head tip moment at finding nothing there under the gazebo or on the deck. Wish I had seen it. When I got home 45 minutes later, they were still giggling about it. (The old dog was sleeping somewhere in the far corner of the acre as is usual anymore, and missed it all. We always keep 2 dogs, but when one gets near the end, we get a third to transition easier for the bereft one, and because the older dogs half-train the puppy for me. Dakota house broke in 2 days.)
Anyway, my dream this morning made me make the leap into the obvious analogy to be made here. (...and damn my regular dreams have been ultra vivid lately, and the lucid ones.... damn. i suppose my subconscious is trying to get me back to my 'gods' book, but i digress. Hell, these are random thoughts, so who cares if i digress? Babble freely!)
Without going into all the detail of that snippet of a dream it essentially was about my needing to go off alone at a party, with my guitar to see if I could find the muse to play. Sometimes I really hate being put on the spot to play, because from day to day, I never know if good or suckage will come out of the strings or my throat. Alone, I find that perfect place and then can bring it back with me, and am less afraid of "others".
That somewhat recurring meme comes up also when I spend too much time with people. I adore people. I adore them in small doses. heh. I require a certain level of solitude to live. Easier done in warmer weather, too. Mike has always gotten that, and is never offended when I need to wander off for a while, or sequester myself; but with MIL, and the kid home from school, all his little friends over, 2 TV's blaring, friends stopping by... I seriously get frustrated. Silence, I need silence.
Point in case, I am on my third cup of Hazelnut Creme grind, and am still babbling and not to my point. No clarity, man.
The thing is, even my dogs will get along when they are up close and ass-sniffing comfortable. Its only when distorted by illusion, a wall, even a wall of glass or distance that he becomes snarly and frightened. So it goes with humanity. "Through a glass darkly" as the saying goes. Which brings me back to the nocturnal journey through my own fear of others, one that I conquer only by finding the commonality and balance within.
See, that glass reflection was between me & even people I know in the dream, and I stripped it away by finding my own soul, and then could give openly to them, look them in the eye and see my own reflection there. We are one.
Imagine if people took down those walls, those barriers. Opened the doorwall, and found no monsters there. Up close, we all prefer a good nuzzling and a head pat to the false distance we create. There would be no more wars.
Shit, there are people waking up here. No one ever gets up as early as me. Bummer. Hey, she dozed back off on the couch. I have time to add a song. This is one of the ones I played in the dream. Everyone sang with me. I used both the original and my verses.
Once upon a time, when the band wouldn't let me sing with them, and I was just learning guitar I went to my river spot, and sat under a sacred willow, and played this tune. I didn't know the fucking words to it. So as I sat there, I made up my own, and the echo back off the water made it sound like I had a chorus and other musicians. No it wasn't the echo, the world just played with me, I know it. Written in the early 90's. The words came out in a stream without thinking about it. My first song.
(with the refrain sprinkled throughout, I did know those words, but I don't feel like typing what can easily be added by memory.)
See the path before me
wonder which one I should take
But friends, indecision
is always a mistake
I feel the river pull me
on its journey to the sea
I hear the wind it whispers
go along you will be free
The ripples reflect up
under the leaves upon my tree
Grandfather Willow
he once spoke of you to me
I see you all before me
You don't even know my name
But the best kept secret
my friends, we're all the same.
You say you've always craved affection
but you're not sure what it is
Take a look in my direction
I'll give you what I've got to give
You say you can't unlock the door now
Push off burdens you have kept
But every journey
starts with a solitary step
I see my light go shining....
I guess it goes to show, I have always sought the same solution.
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