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I don't blame the actors, Brad was fine as Lt. Aldo Raine, a Tennessee born descendant of Big Jim Bridger with the elephant skinner to prove it. And good thing too because his penchant for carving swastikas in the foreheads of Gnatzis he chooses not to otherwise Tarantino provides some of the few entertaining moments in the film.
Mélanie Laurent is kinda pretty as the eventually, sometime during a rather long afternoon, to be immolated Shosanna Dreyfus, an improbable french survivor of a rural Jewish family of dairy farmers who escapes bad guy Gnatzi Christoph Waltz's, who looks like Lucius Vorenus in HBO's Rome and speaks four languages!!!!, (unfortunately there is no one in the film that looks like Indira Varma or I wouldn't have half-minded stoneassing thru three hours) homicidal intentions, runs through a bad Breck commercial long enough to make good her escape and inherit une salle de cinéma in Gnatzi occupied Paris. Imagine Tevye the Dairyman's Fydeka in silk stockings, drinking red, smoking Gauloises' and reading trashy French novels. Her projectionist boyfriend Jacky Ido does a nice turn as a black man inserted into a bad movie to show that Gnatzis hate folks other than jews.
Then we have Til Schweiger as Sgt. Hugo Stiglitz, turncoat Gnatzi Verfügungstruppe who apparently had been a bad little Gnatzi and provides a little sado-kink relief with his 15 seconds at the SS whipping post. Naturalmente, he shares Aldo's love for offin' Gnatzis.
In the batter's box Eli Roth takes warms up as Sgt. Donny Donowitz AKA "The Bear Jew" who has a blood and hair encrusted Louisville's finest, a swing like Hammerin' Hank Greenberg and makes the entire Wehrmacht right up to and including a rather effite Adolph H. (played by Martin Wuttke with just the right amount of spittle) wee wee their Lederhosen.
It wasn't an entirely wasted three hours, hey I a good Gnatzi flambe as well as the next guy. A fast forward button would have been gold though.
I give it two Sleep Apneatic snores out of five mostly for Aldo and his big weapon.
There ya go, Quentin, "there's a little somethin' you can't take off"....
X posted @ La grande orange
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